I’m a 37 year old adult who’s been married, divorcing, heart broken from misread signals, heart broken from obsessing over people I didn’t really know (thanks PDA!) and I STILL struggle like crazy when I develop an attraction.
It’s all or nothing. I’m rarely ever “slightly” interested in someone so when I cross a threshold it feels like a brush fire I can’t contain.
I have noticed though that as I veer wildly in between extremes eventually I could be evening out (or so I desperately hope)
It’s looking something like:
- oh this person seems interesting, hm
- they’re funny too?
- aaand now we’re flirting
- OBSESSED
- oh wait maybe we weren’t flirting maybe we were special interest gushing??
- TRAUMATIC HEARTBREAK
- oh well I think we’re making googly eyes at each other
- cautious ObSeSsInG
- Ah I see, everything is far more complex than I first register. This person could be flirting but have no serious intentions. They could be attracted but know that our lifestyles don’t mesh.
- Obsession haphazardly contained
Like that is literally the best I can do is put a rickety wooden fence around my buck-wild infatuation.
At least at this point in my life my standards for developing an attraction are much higher. I used to not really WANT to know the person before almost choosing them as my special interest. I grew up in an emotionally tumultuous home where I didn’t feel like I knew how to be known safely, so I used a flesh and blood human as a vessel for all my feelings I didn’t know what to do with.
Now I feel safe and confident enough to know that I real, long-term affection lies in shared interests, humor, and values.
Anyway felt like oversharing! You’re welcome, everyone 🙏 😏