Introduction to PDA

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This page is primarily created for our US-based PDA group, which you can find here, but free for use anywhere
 Note for group members: Check out our pinned posts as we continue to collect resources on relevant topics and common questions.

What is PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)?

Odds are you found this page or this group during a search when someone mentioned PDA traits and a lightbulb went off. The signs spoke to either about you or about someone you love.

The main traits of PDA:

      • have a need for control in order to feel safe
      • are driven to avoid everyday demands and expectations (including things they want to do or normally enjoy doing) to an extreme extent
      • tend to use approaches that are “social in nature” in order to avoid demands, such as “my legs aren’t working”, “I’m too sick to go to school”, the ability to debate the things they don’t want to do, inappropriate joking, insults, so on.
      • presents with many of the key features of PDA rather than just one or two
      • tend not to respond to conventional parenting, teaching, or even autistic-supportive approaches

    Other potential features are:

        • appears more comfortable in pretend and roleplay
        • masks (disguises) distress in public and melts down in private

       

      Is it PDA or something else?

      Common misdiagnoses are:
        • Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
        • Bipolar
        • Borderline Personality Disorder
        • Conduct disorders

       

       

       

      But not everyone struggling with demands is PDA. Other explanations for being demand avoidant are:
        • Trauma
        • Health conditions
        • Burnout
        • Part of other neurodivergent conditions such as ADHD or autism with Extreme Demand Avoidance (EDD)

       

       

       

      It can take time and observation to determine what is going on, but a major difference between PDA and the others is that it’s always present, can appear “irrational” in what is deemed a demand, and does fluctuate in severity depending on exhaustion, health, availability of supports, additional traumas, and more.

       

       

      Part 1: Blog comparing different styles of demand avoidance
      Part 2: Blog discussing life experiences that can trigger demand avoidances

      PDA approaches are a respectful form of parenting for most (if not all!) children, so don’t feel like you need a PDA diagnosis to utilize them

      How Do I Get a PDA Diagnosis?

      To access our growing list of PDA-friendly providers including diagnosticians, click here

      PDA is currently only recognized as a sub-type of autism. While it isn’t found the DSM, there are providers in the United States who recognize PDA traits and can diagnose as “autistic with a PDA profile.” ou are more likely to get an autism diagnosis from a practitioner who is PDA aware as they normally are more informed about variations in how autism presents.

      We’re in crisis — help!

      The PDA Society created this infographic for the PANDA approach to work with your child in a PDA-friendly way

      PDA is described as a nervous system disability. PDA children and adults are incredibly sensitive to things that are obviously demands, but things that are less likely to seem like demands.

      Common triggers for PDA are:
        • School/employment
        • Relationship dynamics to their caregivers, especially with a history of traditional parenting methods
        • Improper therapies. ABA (applied behavioral analysis) is a common autistic therapy that is harmful for all children, but PDA children are more likely to show the traumatic effects either during or shortly after

      It’s important to figure out what is stressing out your PDA child’s nervous system. It isn’t always obvious what these triggers are since PDA children can mask their discomfort in the moment, and experience their meltdown (essentially a panic attack) later when in a safer environment.

      This is why PDA groups are a great resource. Here you can read other family’s experiences as they discovered how to best support their PDA children.

      “How can I make my PDA child…”

      A lot of families first learning about PDA are feeling frustrated that their child appears competent and yet “refuses” to do essential things.

      What’s important to remember is that PDA children “can’t” do these things; it’s isn’t that they “won’t.” This is why the more you pressure your child to meet expectations the more you find them somehow escaping them. Before reaching burnout the PDA brain will come up with creative ways to get away from the demands they can’t cope with, but the sophistication in which they do this does not mean it is a choice.

       

      The best way to support your PDA child is to remember this is a real disability, take their distress seriously, support the areas that they communicate they need help in, and trust that as they develop that they will tackle the demands that they’re able to, when they’re able to.

      Each child is unique

      No two PDA people are exactly alike. Some like to be supported by giving options, others need their most trusted people to help them make decisions. Some are outgoing and show their distress as they’re triggered, others bottle it up and show it in unexpected ways. We hope that by connecting to our group we can help you find hope that you are not alone and that there are a million ways to try something new!

       

      Essential Resources:

      The Explosive Child, by Dr. Ross Greene

      Ross Greene’s Explosive Child changes the lens through which we view children’s behavioral struggles. Instead of pushing children harder, it asks us to walk alongside our children in a collaborative way.

      The Declarative Language Handbook, by Linda Murphy

      Declarative language helps take the demand out of communicating with our children. It gives them time and space to process, and opens us up to unexpected insights we would otherwise miss in our essential interactions.

      Under construction! Please visit our Facebook group or email me at webdebutante@yahoo.com to make suggestions for topic