I’ve mentioned before that one of my kids has a different PDA profile than me, which means they have a different way of expressing their anxiety so I struggle troubleshooting with them as much as anyone would (and maybe more because his way of regulating triggers my own sensitivities).
I’ve also mentioned how PDA anxiety presentations LOOK different than typical autistic meltdowns, so PDA kids are often the recipients of harsher authoritarian responses, given incorrect diagnoses, or judged for being manipulative when really their minds are desperately grasping for a way to find relief.
Fast forward to yesterday where I took my kids to a friend’s house who now helps watch the boys a few hours a week so I can carve out some down time for myself.
Her home feels safe and comfortable to the kids and she has the sweetest temperament and lots of animals, games, and a daughter of her own to give the boys something different to do since most of the time they’re indoors here at home.
One of my boys after we left though was “pushing my buttons”. In the car he kept “mocking” his brothers, poking and touching them, assigning dark moods and thoughts to our pets when we got through the door at home. Per usual I started floundering because I didn’t have a map in mind for how to help him or any idea what was going on.
Without a diagnosis it would be way too easy to assume that my kid was just a mean, disrespectful child. My old instincts kicked in again trying to crack down on behavior 😕
Later after I calmed down I started asking him questions: What felt upsetting? Did he feel bad all day yesterday or did something happen?
Gentle Q&A and past experience brought an idea to mind; would headphones help when he’s out in public? More than once “going out” meant that he got crabby fast, and I’d already tried other ideas to help him. Might it be sound sensory overwhelm?
His response to my suggestion that he try headphones was a resounding “Yes!”
He even opted to wear noise-cancelling headphones to fall asleep.
To recap, let’s reframe how my son was expressing himself:
Behaviors = distress
“Mocking” = echolalia under stress
Negative self-talk and talk of others = discouragement and overwhelm
Not knowing we were dealing with autistic triggers, my mind wouldn’t even think to troubleshoot in this direction. He’d likely be exposed increasing levels of “tough love” until either his spirit was broken, he lashed out at the world around him, or both. Instead now he sits next to me happily showing me the monster he created in Melon Playground ❤️