This month I didn’t make any goals. I stayed at exactly the same weight, which under the situation I consider a “win”.
My family and myself personally underwent two unexpected traumas back to back. The first was when someone close to me threatened to kill me. The second was a week after when my best friend and I had to cut off communication because my own life was triggering her, causing us to crash into each other uncontrollably.
This isn’t so much a weight loss update as it is a personal journey update.
It has been very painful to have to give space to two people that I care about very much, but it’s been pressed into me that there are seasons when people can hurt each other even when they have the best intentions.
CW: I’m briefly discussing my Christianity. Click here for a rundown of how I express my faith.
In the middle of both of these things happening I read a devotional that I felt poked me right between the eyes. One of my favorite writers is Oswald Chamber and his book My Utmost for His Highest. If I have the spoons I’ll find the exact devotionals and update later, but both of them back to back spoke about important it is to focus on our own walk and not obsess over other people’s.
/end CW
Not dwelling on other people’s journeys is one of my greatest weaknesses. When I care about someone I am almost compulsed to “help”, but my help can be condescending and sometimes crippling.
Others deserve to find their own way with their own two feet. The possibility that we may not be on the same path on the other side (due to differing needs, values, or circumstances) is what terrifies me.
So here I am in my quieter home, a big hole in the center. I’m slowly filling to space with things that feed my own soul, and try to let go of the things that aren’t in my control to my Higher power.
Life has calmed down in the subsequent weeks to the point it’s quiet enough that I caught up on way more housework then is typical of me. My laundry is folded AND put away, dishes are regularly done, floor is swept and vacuumed, fewer mystery smells.
(I still have my obligatory pile of unswept dirt that I use to give my PDA something to avoid)
Back to the topic at hand:
My eating wildly swung during the worst of this to overeating and undereating, hence me not losing or gaining, but I feel now again like I can put energy into continued lifestyle changes. I’ll rejoin the weight loss competition, and I even feel more ready to incorporate physical movement.