My counselor told me I’d know that I was recovered when I…

In 2014 I hit autistic/PDA burnout before I had an accurate diagnosis. I got lucky and found an affirming counselor who approached me with low demands and low expectations to facilitate my healing.

I remember the imposter syndrome that I struggled with despite her patience and understanding. At my core, getting “better” felt threatening because it meant returning to status quo where I was rarely ever at rest.

We were discussing me returning to work in the future, and I took the risk of asking,

“When will I know that I’m better enough?”

She told me,

“You will know you’re ready to work because you will want to work.”

This was the first time I had ever heard someone affirm that my opinions and feelings were a real part of my own wellness.

It has taken years of trial and error and flying blindly to find this elusive “want to” (with a recent big leap once I discovered the PDA community), but from that point on I was humbled and committed to never again believing that how I felt was inherently flawed, even if how I feel is different than most people.