I try to encourage parents that it’s not only ok, but it’s ideal for them to take care of themselves as an integral part of taking care of their PDA child.
I try to phrase this carefully so as not to prompt guilty feelings, but a big part of co-regulating with a PDA child is that your own state is as cared for as possible so that you can share that peace with your child from a genuine place
It’s my conviction that PDA children are the best at seeing through appearances. That they learn best in a monitor/mentee respect-based dynamic, so your own growth will also be their growth.
Think of how in an emergency we should take oxygen first so that we can then help others.
What do you do when you don’t have peace and things are spiraling out of control?
I like to use as much honesty as possible. I don’t provide details that are too personal and use discretion for how much they can handle, but being vulnerable enough to tell my kids “I’m struggling right now too, I’m sorry that this is frustrating” has been a huge help for calming down everyone’s anxieties.
Talking myself through my own anxieties out loud is also a helpful way to model skills they need to learn too. If there’s a blow up I give myself grace and reconnect after everyone calms down.